Have you ever looked back after coming out of a relationship and thought, was this love forbidden? Have you ever wished you had kept it hidden and maybe just maybe the heart ache wouldn’t be there? Maybe if you had kept it hidden you wouldn’t be drunk as you are right now coz he or she left you for another. Was the price of saying how you feel and having to have enjoyed those beautiful moments worth the pain they left you with? Lemme tell you a story of my forbidden hidden love.
I can’t lie every dude likes the fat ass and the curvy body and personally, am a sucker for those two things but there’s something about this chick that took my breath away although she ain’t have none of that. Everything about here in my eyes was just perfect. From your natural beauty to your non-exaggerated curvy body. I still remember how I couldn’t get my eyes off you the first time I set my eyes on you while we crossed paths. I have got to admit to this day you still take my breath away each time our eyes interlock. I mean there’s a glow in your eyes that hypnotizes me especially when you smile.
I got to know this chick and damn!!! I ain’t never met anyone like her. I never met anyone who was beautiful from the inside out before. I never thought simplicity and beauty mixed till I got to know her. I wish she could see what flashes through my mind every time I look into her eyes. I got to know her and fell in love with her but I chose to keep it hidden although I knew the feeling was mutual. Plus I wasn’t lucky enough coz she were already taken. I didn’t want to destroy what she had to please my selfishness. If all men are dogs i choose to be an underdog.
The nigga was lucky not coz he fucked her but coz he had her. He got to feel her lips, he got to comfort her when she cried, he got to know her deepest secrets, he lucky coz out of all this he got to see her the first thing in the morning. I wish I was young and stupid once more coz I know I wouldn’t care if you had a nigga but life has taught me better. Life has taught me to think into the future of things before actually making a stupid decision.
I can’t tell you how many times I dreamt of her, how many times I imagined us. Am scared of revealing my deep hidden feelings for her. If I did, I know I would love her till the end. Am dead sure my love for her wouldn’t end coz there’s no chicka that’s left me wanting more of them like this. I wanna listen to her, I wanna get lost in her eyes till the day ends. I wanna laugh with her. I want us to get lost in our never ending stories and as the night comes in I wanna get lost in your kisses and the warmth of your body but am scared. Am scared of the hurt that comes with loving someone.
I’ve been loved before but never loved. They loved me but still betrayed me. I’ve had friends who’ve loved one another but ended up hating each other’s guts. I don’t wanna hate you. I donno if I would live without feeling your lips the first thing in the morning if I had it. I donno if my heart would beat the same after beating for you after you gave me a chance.
My past was filled with friends consistently being torn away from me. It was painful but it wouldn’t be painful than having our love, our trust towards each other, dead. That’s if we gave it a go and failed. My hidden love for you is too big to turn into hate so I remain silent.
Just to be clear I ain’t scared to tell you how I feel. Am a man, I look you in the eyes and tell you how I feel but what then after that? I ain’t the better choice compared to her dude. I mean I have cheated many times before but he ain’t never cheated on you ever. Also I’ve being alone for the past year. I ain’t used to texting or calling every day. I don’t wanna make her worried. I don’t want her to think her ain’t in my mind coz she dominates it. If I text or call you every day, are you gonna betray me afterwards? Should I even have bothered? I know you might think am stuck up with my history but history has repeated itself soo many times it’s impossible to ignore it. Am scared of betrayal too.
Everybody wants to be happy but I say fuck that. I know far too well that everything that makes me happy right now is always gonna make me ache at a certain point in future. It has happened before and I know the happiness I feel whenever am with you is just gonna come around to bite me in the ass one day. Am too broken to believe those smiles and laughter won’t turn into tears and regrets.
REALITY OF YOUNG LOVE
Let’s be real for a second, we live in the 21st century. Every chicka wants the good life. I mean the romantic dates, the expensive gifts and my undying attention. How can an unaccomplished young nigga give you the attention you need when we trying to search for our own? Am a man, I mean I will try but we all know we can never multitask. I can never blame a bitch for falling for a sponsor. I mean he already accomplished so he got all the time in the world to give you everything you want from the attention to the expensive gifts. You now tell me if this young love ain’t forbidden and whether or not I shouldn’t keep it hidden.
The pain of losing you to someone her to someone who’s gonna give you all that I couldn’t would be unbearable. I mean I can try but your eyes will deceive you into wanting bigger things. I might try but Instagram would deceive you more. I might try but your friends will whisper into your ears and deceive you more. I can never blame you thou coz am also gazing towards the stars.
AM I OVERTHINKING?
Maybe am overthinking. Maybe you will never leave me coz I can never give you all you want. Maybe am just a pussy nigga who’s using excuses. But fuck what everybody thinks, this is me, do you and I will do me. But lemme just ask my young people out there who trying to get their own. If I destroy what she has to please my selfishness would it be worth it? How many relationships have you ever been in? How many times have you been broken? Can you search for your own while offering the one you love your full attention? Are you searching for love or loyalty? Do you love or force yourself to love him or her? If she loves you, will she betray you? If he loves you would he cheat on her? Is this young love forbidden or not?
Do you believe your partner will always come through for you no matter what? I you do then you lucky as fuck. You got loyalty, love and trust. Things I can never give anyone no matter what. Maybe life will open a new door for me that will be filled with people I can love and trust. Maybe then al find the one person who will never betray me. I just hope it’s you but now we can never be.
I choose to let them be. This is the first selfless thing I do in my life. It might be painful but maybe one day when am ready and she ain’t taken I will have my chance. Let’s see if destiny has something planned for us. I just want you that even thou we don’t talk like we used to, I still love you.