Who doesn’t need an escape? In this crazy and cruel world we all need that one thing that makes us relax. Amidst all the disappointments, the failures and the losses we all need an escape from reality, don’t we?
That would be weed. Ever since I can remember I have used weed as an escape. It took me long enough to finally admit this, but can anyone blame me? In this cruel world everyone needs an escape from reality. I mean it’s the feeling to escape reality that makes an addict right? Lemme guess, you thinking am an addict right? But no, at least not now. When life hits you hard you will always need an escape you just need to be careful not to escape reality for long. That would make you an addict.
What I have learnt so far is that you can never really escape reality. It might sound relieving at first but the fucked up thing about this is that you will reality will always hit you harder when you sober up. I admit I always felt like this every time but guess what I did then. Yeah I took a hit again, I admit there are some days I stoned the whole day coz reality was too hard to bear, I was slowly becoming an addict and I didn’t even know. The feeling was too good to give up. I couldn’t go without it for a day. After escaping reality for so long I noticed I had this pull. A pull I never had before, the pull was so strong that I couldn’t sleep sober no more. I can’t remember how many sleepless nights I had then when my plug ran out of weed.
Eventually we all have to stop escaping reality and face it. I mean what’s the point of escaping to the point of no return? Returning back to your original self is the hardest thing ever. It took me two long years of constant denial to finally admit that I had a problem. I had to reduce my intake. I can’t recall how many times I lied and still lie to myself that the feeling is like no other.
Life has taught me that everything has consequences, there’s no way it hasn’t affected me. I mean it’s relaxing but I can’t lie that it isn’t real. If it were we wouldn’t need to smoke to feel that way. It would be like a reflex that kicks in when we are low. Wouldn’t that be cool? Imagine your mind triggering your body to be hi after a depressing situation. That would have helped me especially in this difficult times as I struggle daily to make my life purposeful. Internally I know something is wrong. My memory ain’t what it was. My thinking ain’t what it was. So is it really worth it? I constantly ask myself.
Let’s talk about other escapes like chicks. My have had sex with countless women but how many have actually made love? Would all those ladies be worth it if you were to make love with the one and only lady that matters? We really have to be careful who we lay with. I mean what’s the point of having sex to escape only to find yourself trapped with a disease? Would those 30 minutes or less be worth a lifetime of suffering?
Why do our emotions deceive us this much? Does the emptiness ever go away? Depression comes from this emptiness. I fear for the depressed who use drugs to escape. I fear for those who cut themselves to stop feeling empty. I know for a fact that pain can become an addiction but how far can this go? If they don’t find themselves soon how far will they take this self-inflicted pain? I hope you never take your life. I know you think you don’t matter but if you don’t why do your friends smile with you? I feel sorry for the heroin addicts for coming back to reality is even harder for them.
Every adult says it’s gonna be easy but is that really true? We have got too much time on our hands but we consistently waste it on the things that don’t matter. I mean we have got countless of chicks but how many are we gonna marry? Shouldn’t we use all this energy to develop our future? We try but everything we do nothing works. Everything we do is stacked against us. I mean how are we gonna escape our escapes if everything we do is failing?
We are the young generation and we are this lost. I know many of us use excuses for the things we do. We’re the most depressed and yet we use drugs and chicks to escape, is there a bright future for us? Are we ever gonna stop? Are the easy times where we no longer need to escape? Is that even a reality? We all know the side effects of the drugs we use but how can we be so ignorant? I envy those with talents. I mean playing a guitar would help my soul heal from all pain that comes from the world. I envy music writers for they are able to write about their harsh experience in a way that inspire others.
We all started escaping for different reasons but look at us now we are unable to lift a feather off our chests.But are we really escaping reality or ourselves?